Are most long married couples unhappy with their relationship? This is the question that has being bugging me for a while. As a Feng Shui consultant, I come across many clients with less than happy marriages. Many times my clients will ask me for a 'secret' cure or recommendation that would miraculously improve their relationship with their spouse.
So, I asked a few of my married friends for their opinion. I chose this select group because they are older - over fifty years old - and have been married for many years. Their answer was quite shocking- to me. Based on their personal experience and those of their friends, they think that 90% of married couples are, in one way or another, unhappy with their relationships.
Granted that they do not live happily ever after, as in the fairy tales, this is still quite sad - if it is indeed true.
Is there a cure? Maybe there is.
In many olden societies, such as the Chinese, where arranged marriages are commonplace, it is a practice to check the horoscope (Ba Zi) of the intended couple for compatibility, before they are allowed to tie the knot.
Does this always work? It increases the chance but it does not work all the time. However through years of observation, they found out that if you combine it with some conditions, you can increase the chances of having a happy and lasting marriage.
While this wisdom is for everyone, it is even more critical for those with a history of unsuccessful marriages or relationships, to take note.
Here are some of the conditions.
In the old days, the husband must always be older than the wife. This is like a tradition. It cannot and should not be broken. However the ancients also observed that for those with unsuccessful marriages or relationships, breaking the tradition - i.e. having an older wife - can strangely be the answer. To the ancient Chinese, the wife is considered older even if she is a day older than the husband. However for better results, a wider age gap is preferred.
The other option for a more successful relationship is for the husband to be much older than the wife. To the ancient Chinese, much older means at least 8 years apart. In practice, 10 or 15 years older is perfectly acceptable or desired.
It would also increase the chances if there is a big disparity in the social and economic standard between the husband and the wife. For example the husband is a highly educated CEO of a large corporation while the wife is a much lesser educated person from a poor family. Can it be the other way around? It is unlikely in the old days because the husband is always the breadwinner. However in this modern times, where many women out-earn their husbands, why not?
This next condition only applies to the woman - at least in the old days. If she cannot be a successful first wife, it does not mean that she cannot be successful being the second or third one. So, being the other women can be an option that leads to success! I am not sure about being the other man though!
What if none of the above works?
The final option is to have a spouse that is of a different race or from a different culture. For example, an Indian and a Chinese or between two Chinese brought up in different places. For example, one brought up in China and in the other in the United States.
These are wisdoms that our forefathers have passed down to us. So, and especially, if you are relationship challenged, give it a try. There is nothing to lose!
Henry Fong Feng Shui Consultant
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